The common noun that happens in romantic partnerships is that we start the partnership with hope, excitement, and a fantasy of what the future can look like. And the wild thing is that as time goes on, and we fall into the routine of daily stressors and expectations, we start to get more ingrained in everyday, mundane expectations and goals, which doesn't leave a lot of room for fantasy and hopefulness.
So when you think about the burden of unrealistic expectations and how that clashes with the reality of our partner, it leads to that illusion that we had created breaking. But the thing is, fantasy is not something to be abandoned and not something to lose hope and be disappointed by, yet it is our job to find a way to stay hopeful, stay connected, and find excitement even in the mundane.
I know it's easier said than done, but here are some of the things to do to restore hope for self and for relationships:
- Accepting reality in grieving
- Taking small actions to manage and move to find motivation
- Managing stressors to cycle, somatic, exercise, and intentional presence
- Connecting with others and making you feel seen and supported
- Redefining your path because things can change and that's OK
- And seeking help that allows us to be present, practice self-care, and reframe narratives that are not serving us
Fantasy isn’t meant to disappear, it’s just changing. When we mix hope with reality, we create relationships that are less about being perfect and more about being there for each other, growing together, and choosing to love each other again and again.